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| This photo reminded me of the way someone might feel while moving through the process of grief. Maybe feeling heavy and pulled down.... but also still alive. If you are experiencing grief, remember that it will take some effort to process, but you can respond to loss in ways that are healthy. And listen up - if you do not respond in a healthy way - it could poison you - it could impair your health and seriously take you down. Grief is serious and so give your healing process the respect it deserves. Today's post offers a few things for folks to consider. If you are experiencing grief - or if you are trying to help someone who is moving through a tough loss - or if you just want to know more.... It really does help to have knowledge and to learn tidbits here and there. So in this post I present a few things that I have found helpful. Remember, grief is a normal part of life - even if it feels unfair and you feel very wounded - you CAN work through it - and be strengthened. Allow yourself to feel - but also watch the faucet of negativity - beware of the unhelpful pity parties -and don't let your anger turn to bitterness. Feel - and identify the hurt - but learn about human recovery and then see what helps you move through your grief. |
Ten Tips to Move Through Grief
(just for educational purposes)
1. Get Enough
Sleep.
Make sleep a priority and
find foods and herbs that can help relax and allow you to sleep more. NOW
Foods brand has an amino acid blend called True Calm, which can
help relax the adrenals. There are many things to consider - like eating good
proteins, enjoying healing citrus fruits, and getting good oils to help your
body function and fire better (see 2 and 3 for more ideas).
2. Eat Good Foods
Appetite loss is a normal
thing to experience with grief - so be very careful before you skip too many
meals. Find foods you like or try new meals - but be very careful
before you stop eating.
Eat enzyme filled veggies
and fruits.
Eat healthy meats that
offer complete proteins and dense nutrition (check on what foods pair best with
your blood type). Or have a few bites of dense foods - like shrimp,
cheese, chia seeds in a shake, etc. A few bites of a dense food can help
in many ways. Raw nuts are also a great, dense nutritious snack as
well....
Mark's Daily Apple (MDA)
has great info on how healthy fats are a key to cell function - and so for all
of the people I counsel with nutrition, I have them take the following
oils:
Coconut oil with tea - when
they can and if they like it - I had to get used to the texture - and now I
love it.
Butter - a little bit every
day.
One teaspoon of Cod Liver
Oil (I like Sonne's)
And every other day - one
teaspoon of Flaxseed Oil with 1/2 cup of cottage cheese.
Protein shakes with chia
seeds are also a suggestion - to start the day with rich support - and then
they can have coffee.
I also suggest some citrus
fruit every day and maybe 1/2 of an apple. Apples are powerful and there is a
reason for the cliché of an apple a day....
Drink water to stay
hydrated, but some people actually drink too much water (I used to be one of
them - which is a story for another time) - and while your water intake depends
on what you have going on inside your body and changes for different days - be
careful before you chug and chug. (And if you live in an area with potentially
bad water - use a few drops of MMS to clean the water - it is Europe's water
cleaner).
Rather than focus on
chugging vats of water - get enzyme filled fruits and get your GOOD FATS so
that your cells are fueled with what they need to work best. Good fats
satisfy - so add a dash of butter to your coffee - some coconut oil to your tea
- or take a swig of flaxseed oil - or make a few eggs with a good olive oil and
add some sea salt. Just remember - you need plenty of good fats.
MDA also has great info
about hydration (here)
And below is a snippet:
"Drinking
to thirst is still the best bet. Remember, too, that we get up to 20% of our hydration
needs met through food, especially watery fruits and veggies, which
you should be eating plenty of if you are eating primally. If you are eating a
healthy (Primal!) diet, drinking when you feel thirsty, and aren’t exhibiting
signs of dehydration (headaches, dizziness, very dark urine, etc.), you should
be fine.
And don’t forget about
salt. Dietary sodium has been positioned in a negative light by conventional
wisdom. I have argued that that is unfounded, and scientists are beginning to reconsider the anti-salt crusade as well. Sodium,
which we get from salt (NaCl—high school chemistry anyone?), helps transport
water through the walls of your small intestines, where 95% of fluid absorption
takes place. You need salt..."
".... you can even
add a pinch of salt to your water to boost absorption..."
3. Take immune system
supporting supplements.
I suggest this for folks
even if they are not moving through grief - but all the more under the
pressure and strain of grief. The basic protocol I suggest to consider
(in addition to good fats and dense foods) is to take a good B-complex, methyl
B-12, Vitamin E, and Vitamin A & D.
Also, consider a mineral
blend - I like Trader Joe's Cal/Mag in a green base because it has the greens
and Betaine for better absorption.
And please consider getting
a tub of magnesium chloride (I like Life-flo and it is nicely
priced). Consider using it for foot soaks, under the tongue (just a pinch) - or
make a skin lotion with it - the mag chloride flakes are potent and it a very
absorbable mag that is REALLY good for humans.
Consider herbs too!
They can help clean your blood and feed your cells. There are herbs
for many things - supporting to cleansing - and doing an herbal cleanse can
help your body get rid of inner gunk so it can absorb more (I like Kroeger
herbs and Health Plus cleanses)....
And get a bit of daily
exercise -
Join a gym - or start
walking more.
4. Journal or draw
pictures to ponder different feelings or to reflect - you can reflect on grief
itself - even though at times this will be too painful and you might need to
detach from thinking about your loss (more on this in #5). Times of
detaching can help you strengthen and regroup. Ponder other things that
matter to you - your life experiences and changes, hobbies, life musings, etc.
5. Find Healthy
Distractions
Be very intentional to find
hobbies or activities to take your mind off of the loss and pain. We do
not want to live in denial or detached states for all of our lives, but during
the heavy phases of grief - a little healthy detachment can be a key to your
healthy recovery.
Go to a concert, play, or
movie.
Take up a new hobby or get
more into your current hobby.
Join a local group - take a
trip - find new books on topics you would never read - try new food - etc.
Find distractions that can
give you some relief from the pain and loss - it can be like letting air out of
a balloon, which releases some tension so it does not pop.
Be careful to not give in
to Unhealthy distractions - like don't get lost in shopping too much - or
gambling - don't drown your grief with alcohol or substances - it is only
short-term relief and will lead to more problems. Don't bury the grief so
that it explodes later - my point is that unhealthy distractions
might hurt more than help - so use wisdom - you can do this. Yes, you can heal
and you can move through grief - and while you do - be sure to give yourself
healthy distractions and breaks to recover and strengthen.
6. Get Closer to
God
Grief counselors have
different takes on the spiritual component with grief, but most agree that the
spiritual connection to healing from loss is key to recovery.
I am a Christian and so my
spiritual advice is from this worldview and assumption - which has a
heaven-minded focus with a reminder that God has our days numbered and even
with free will, He still knows the days of lives very clearly.
I am not sure what the
spiritual component will look like for everyone, but as humans we are mind,
body, and spirit and this spiritual area is something you must explore as you
heal.
7. Pamper Yourself
Remind yourself that the
loss you are experiencing is tough and give yourself permission to feel and
hurt.
You likely would support
and help a friend in need if they were moving through grief. Think about
how you would help them - would you send them flowers, give them a massage gift
certificate - or bring them some goodies?
Well do the same for
yourself - treat yourself to some pampering and just acknowledge that this is
very tough and maybe even give yourself little gifts that can help.
Go and treat yourself to a
few things - you know what some ideas could be - but know that you are worth it
and it could splash a tiny bit of refreshment your way. And every splash adds
up to a parched and strained soul.
Be kind to yourself and
drop the shoulda, could and woulda mindset -
Bring every thought captive
- and watch how much you camp out on the pain.
Have a problem-solving
mindset for what you can do while moving forward - not what lies in the past -
instead; learn from what you think you might have done differently and embrace
today with a full heart.
Pamper yourself.... it can
help....
8. Get around people who
have been through similar loss.
I know some folks do not
like meeting in groups and sadly, some still view counseling as for the weak or
ill.
Support groups might not
work for everyone, but you do not know if they will work for you unless you
have tried going. After more than twenty years of watching people handle
grief and working with some professionally - I have seen many folks transformed
from joining local support groups.
Check your options for
grief support groups - some meet online in little forums -
Other groups meet in
churches or rec centers - but they can be a huge help.
Find groups that deal with
your type of loss and PLEASE give it chance. It could rescue you or even
just offer a little help as you move through grief with success.
9. Grief Resources
Read books and find
workbooks or pdf's that can allow you to work through some grief stages.
It is okay to not know how to move through loss - we learn so much as we
move through life - so feel empowered by learning.
There is an old quote from
a Monk episode - "The more you know, the less you don't know" - ha!
And we all that ignorance
can be destructive. So be intentional to learn about the healing process.
10. Remember everyone is
Different
Even though humans are
similar - and the stages of grief apply to many - we all have unique baggage
and life habits that play a part in our recovery.
Keep learning more about
you and your unique response.
What works for hundreds of
others might never work for you or me....
And what causes pain for
someone else might not phase you.
For example, one mother who
lost a child said that going to the grocery store was the hardest thing for her
to do after the loss. However, another mom said that a trip to the
grocery store was the first normal thing she did after the loss of her child -
and that trip was a healing step for her.
So customize your healing
journey, but remember that it is JOURNEY and it can take years to adjust to
living a new lifestyle after the loss.
C.S. Lewis reminded folks
that loss is not something we get over - instead, it is something we learn to
live with as we adjust and adapt to living a new lifestyle. Just like a
person who loses a limb must learn how to live without it -
Life has handed you a loss-
and now you must adjust and move forward adapting -
The pain can be enormous,
but your life is still very valuable and your recovery is very important for
your health - Your recovery is also important for those of us who need you
healthy - and trust me - you are needed more than you will ever know.
Best Wishes with your healing.
~ Y. Prior
~~
