Ten Tips to Move Through Grief
(just for educational purposes)
1. Get Enough Sleep.
Make sleep a priority and find foods and herbs that can help relax and allow you to sleep more. NOW Foods brand has an amino acid blend called True Calm, which can help relax the adrenals. There are many things to consider - like eating good proteins, enjoying healing citrus fruits, and getting good oils to help your body function and fire better (see 2 and 3 for more ideas).
2. Eat Good Foods
Appetite loss is a normal thing to experience with grief - so be very careful before you skip too many meals. Find foods you like or try new meals - but be very careful before you stop eating.
Eat enzyme filled veggies and fruits.
Eat healthy meats that offer complete proteins and dense nutrition (check on what foods pair best with your blood type). Or have a few bites of dense foods - like shrimp, cheese, chia seeds in a shake, etc. A few bites of a dense food can help in many ways. Raw nuts are also a great, dense nutritious snack as well....
Mark's Daily Apple (MDA) has great info on how healthy fats are a key to cell function - and so for all of the people I counsel with nutrition, I have them take the following oils:
Coconut oil with tea - when they can and if they like it - I had to get used to the texture - and now I love it.
Butter - a little bit every day.
One teaspoon of Cod Liver Oil (I like Sonne's)
And every other day - one teaspoon of Flaxseed Oil with 1/2 cup of cottage cheese.
Protein shakes with chia seeds are also a suggestion - to start the day with rich support - and then they can have coffee.
I also suggest some citrus fruit every day and maybe 1/2 of an apple. Apples are powerful and there is a reason for the cliché of an apple a day....
Drink water to stay hydrated, but some people actually drink too much water (I used to be one of them - which is a story for another time) - and while your water intake depends on what you have going on inside your body and changes for different days - be careful before you chug and chug. (And if you live in an area with potentially bad water - use a few drops of MMS to clean the water - it is Europe's water cleaner).
Rather than focus on chugging vats of water - get enzyme filled fruits and get your GOOD FATS so that your cells are fueled with what they need to work best. Good fats satisfy - so add a dash of butter to your coffee - some coconut oil to your tea - or take a swig of flaxseed oil - or make a few eggs with a good olive oil and add some sea salt. Just remember - you need plenty of good fats.
MDA also has great info about hydration (here)
And below is a snippet:
"Drinking to thirst is still the best bet. Remember, too, that we get up to 20% of our hydration needs met through food, especially watery fruits and veggies, which you should be eating plenty of if you are eating primally. If you are eating a healthy (Primal!) diet, drinking when you feel thirsty, and aren’t exhibiting signs of dehydration (headaches, dizziness, very dark urine, etc.), you should be fine.
And don’t forget about salt. Dietary sodium has been positioned in a negative light by conventional wisdom. I have argued that that is unfounded, and scientists are beginning to reconsider the anti-salt crusade as well. Sodium, which we get from salt (NaCl—high school chemistry anyone?), helps transport water through the walls of your small intestines, where 95% of fluid absorption takes place. You need salt..."
".... you can even add a pinch of salt to your water to boost absorption..."
3. Take immune system supporting supplements.
I suggest this for folks even if they are not moving through grief - but all the more under the pressure and strain of grief. The basic protocol I suggest to consider (in addition to good fats and dense foods) is to take a good B-complex, methyl B-12, Vitamin E, and Vitamin A & D.
Also, consider a mineral blend - I like Trader Joe's Cal/Mag in a green base because it has the greens and Betaine for better absorption.
And please consider getting a tub of magnesium chloride (I like Life-flo and it is nicely priced). Consider using it for foot soaks, under the tongue (just a pinch) - or make a skin lotion with it - the mag chloride flakes are potent and it a very absorbable mag that is REALLY good for humans.
Consider herbs too! They can help clean your blood and feed your cells. There are herbs for many things - supporting to cleansing - and doing an herbal cleanse can help your body get rid of inner gunk so it can absorb more (I like Kroeger herbs and Health Plus cleanses)....
And get a bit of daily exercise -
Join a gym - or start walking more.
4. Journal or draw pictures to ponder different feelings or to reflect - you can reflect on grief itself - even though at times this will be too painful and you might need to detach from thinking about your loss (more on this in #5). Times of detaching can help you strengthen and regroup. Ponder other things that matter to you - your life experiences and changes, hobbies, life musings, etc.
5. Find Healthy Distractions
Be very intentional to find hobbies or activities to take your mind off of the loss and pain. We do not want to live in denial or detached states for all of our lives, but during the heavy phases of grief - a little healthy detachment can be a key to your healthy recovery.
Go to a concert, play, or movie.
Take up a new hobby or get more into your current hobby.
Join a local group - take a trip - find new books on topics you would never read - try new food - etc.
Find distractions that can give you some relief from the pain and loss - it can be like letting air out of a balloon, which releases some tension so it does not pop.
Be careful to not give in to Unhealthy distractions - like don't get lost in shopping too much - or gambling - don't drown your grief with alcohol or substances - it is only short-term relief and will lead to more problems. Don't bury the grief so that it explodes later - my point is that unhealthy distractions might hurt more than help - so use wisdom - you can do this. Yes, you can heal and you can move through grief - and while you do - be sure to give yourself healthy distractions and breaks to recover and strengthen.
6. Get Closer to God
Grief counselors have different takes on the spiritual component with grief, but most agree that the spiritual connection to healing from loss is key to recovery.
I am a Christian and so my spiritual advice is from this worldview and assumption - which has a heaven-minded focus with a reminder that God has our days numbered and even with free will, He still knows the days of lives very clearly.
I am not sure what the spiritual component will look like for everyone, but as humans we are mind, body, and spirit and this spiritual area is something you must explore as you heal.
7. Pamper Yourself
Remind yourself that the loss you are experiencing is tough and give yourself permission to feel and hurt.
You likely would support and help a friend in need if they were moving through grief. Think about how you would help them - would you send them flowers, give them a massage gift certificate - or bring them some goodies?
Well do the same for yourself - treat yourself to some pampering and just acknowledge that this is very tough and maybe even give yourself little gifts that can help.
Go and treat yourself to a few things - you know what some ideas could be - but know that you are worth it and it could splash a tiny bit of refreshment your way. And every splash adds up to a parched and strained soul.
Be kind to yourself and drop the shoulda, could and woulda mindset -
Bring every thought captive - and watch how much you camp out on the pain.
Have a problem-solving mindset for what you can do while moving forward - not what lies in the past - instead; learn from what you think you might have done differently and embrace today with a full heart.
Pamper yourself.... it can help....
8. Get around people who have been through similar loss.
I know some folks do not like meeting in groups and sadly, some still view counseling as for the weak or ill.
Support groups might not work for everyone, but you do not know if they will work for you unless you have tried going. After more than twenty years of watching people handle grief and working with some professionally - I have seen many folks transformed from joining local support groups.
Check your options for grief support groups - some meet online in little forums -
Other groups meet in churches or rec centers - but they can be a huge help.
Find groups that deal with your type of loss and PLEASE give it chance. It could rescue you or even just offer a little help as you move through grief with success.
9. Grief Resources
Read books and find workbooks or pdf's that can allow you to work through some grief stages. It is okay to not know how to move through loss - we learn so much as we move through life - so feel empowered by learning.
There is an old quote from a Monk episode - "The more you know, the less you don't know" - ha!
And we all that ignorance can be destructive. So be intentional to learn about the healing process.
10. Remember everyone is Different
Even though humans are similar - and the stages of grief apply to many - we all have unique baggage and life habits that play a part in our recovery.
Keep learning more about you and your unique response.
What works for hundreds of others might never work for you or me....
And what causes pain for someone else might not phase you.
For example, one mother who lost a child said that going to the grocery store was the hardest thing for her to do after the loss. However, another mom said that a trip to the grocery store was the first normal thing she did after the loss of her child - and that trip was a healing step for her.
So customize your healing journey, but remember that it is JOURNEY and it can take years to adjust to living a new lifestyle after the loss.
C.S. Lewis reminded folks that loss is not something we get over - instead, it is something we learn to live with as we adjust and adapt to living a new lifestyle. Just like a person who loses a limb must learn how to live without it -
Life has handed you a loss- and now you must adjust and move forward adapting -
The pain can be enormous, but your life is still very valuable and your recovery is very important for your health - Your recovery is also important for those of us who need you healthy - and trust me - you are needed more than you will ever know.
Best Wishes with your healing.
~ Y. Prior